Thursday, August 27, 2009

Look me in the eyes...

So... we all do it... We've all tried it... we all take the chance...

The "walk by smile"...

We see something cute in the distance.. We contemplate the "hey".. or "hello".. but usually we just squeeze out a half smile.. with no teeth.. just a lip curl...

Nine times out of ten we get the smile back... at least a semi-eye-squint.. Every once and a while you get lucky with the "continued eye contact to full smile"... but... sometimes you just get the "complete-look-away" avoidance technique... I don't judge this.. I understand if you're cute you can't just give those smiles out willy nilly... I guess...

If you're anything like me you get awkward half way through your smile.. look away and think about how you have a severe social disease...
OR...
Maybe you're of that "small group" that can parley this "little interaction" into a conversation.. if you are... good for you... I hate you..

Anyway.. here's what happened to me recently...

I see something cute, petite, and brunette in the distance.. I'm feeling good about myself... I have an extremely rare, endorphin generated, boost of confidence and I decide I might even go for the "full-eye-contact-smile to hello/hey".... i think to myself.. "be bold just do it... what do you have to lose?"

So I do.. we're getting closer.. I go for the full eye contact and start the smile.. half way through my smile.. she gives me a HUGE eye roll..

WHAT THE FUCK?!?

I didn't corner this chick and say "hey.. I like your tits.. wanna bone?"... all I did was smile.. an innocent.. non creepy smile.... I wasn't starey... I wasn't "gross".. I was cute and personable.. so... WHAT THE FUCK!?

I mean.. maybe it's just me.. but I ALWAYS give the smile/head nod back.. even if it's some gross middle aged, fat, gay man with three teeth... if he smiles.. makes the attempt.. or eye contact.. I'll always give it back.. why not?

When did the "smile as you walk by" become worthy of a HUGE eye roll?

Fuck you, man.. that's some bullshit..

I thought for a second.. "nah.. maybe it wasn't to me.. maybe I was imagining it"... so I ask my friend if he'd try it out on the same girl... we're in the mall.. I say "if we see her.. do the "walk by smile" and see what she does"... He agrees..

Two minutes later.. there she is.. cute-petite-brunette is approaching.. I make sure she can't see me and hide behind a bunch of clothes.. there's no way she knows we're together... He approaches and gives her the same "walk by smile"... and... the bitch rolls her eyes AGAIN!. WHY!?!

Even if we were gross.. which I don't think we are.. COME ON!... Two eye rolls? fucking lame..

let this be a lesson to all you cute girls out there.. if you really don't feel like giving the smile back.. just look away.. don't roll the eyes... It really kills a guys confidence... and to "cute-petite-brunette"... You've given me even more reason to hate the general public... and I thank you... you stuck up bitch...

UGH
G.Y.M.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Quarter life and Clooney

So... I don't want to say I've "lived it.. I know it.. I've figured it all out"... because that's ridiculous... I've never had a three way.. so obviously there's more to learn, right?

What I wanna talk about is where I'm at now.. What life is for me these days... and what I think it might be for me in the future.. I've been the hopeless romantic... Falling for a pretty young thing... I've been "blinded by the light.. revved up like a douche another boner in the night" or whatever... but I think my tune has changed over the years. I'm not saying I won't ever find love again.. or I'll be alone forever... That's just absurd... but I am saying.. it's basically where I'm going to end up. By myself.. maybe like Clooney, with a pig, living off the coast of Italy... (please god)...but alone none the less...

Listen.. I'm sure I'll have plenty of friends in my life.. I'm sure I'll have a few more love affairs.. but I doubt any will last longer then a year or two... I'm not trying to sound completely hopeless or depressed.. I'm just being realistic... and I'm feeling alright about it.

I like to watch people.. Watch relationships.. How are people surviving their bullshit lives while spending them with another person? denial.. alcohol... fighting.. and stress..

Now that's fine... Stay with your partner... work it out.. make it last.. good years.. bad years.. and all that shit.. but all I can say is.. it's not for me... I don't want to compromise anything in my life.. and this doesn't fly with people..

Specifically the women in my life.. They've wanted me to conform in the past... maybe not at first... Maybe at first they love "who I am" or "how I am"... Crazy, weird, and sarcastic.. but eventually that changes.. This is why I say I'm sure I'll have a few more love affairs.. I'll get into something that seems like a great fit... We'll laugh.. talk... grow.. it'll be terribly romantic... I'll seem happy.. She'll seem happy.. and then.......

She'll get annoyed... She'll stop thinking I'm funny.. She'll get embarrassed at some social event... Her friend's will hate me.. and she'll start to resent my life style..

in turn....

I'll get annoyed.. I'll get BORED... I'll realize I've never thought she was funny... and I'll always hate her lame ass friends... Especially her closest ones... Badda bing badda boom it's over..

It's just the way it goes for me, I'm afraid..

"She" is not out there.. because "She" doesn't exist... It'll seem at first that "She's" come back into my life.. but after a few good months... "She" will just end up being "Her" again.. and then "I'm" out...

Now listen.. I'm saying all of this with a clear head... Haven't started on the brown liquor yet... It's just the way I think my life works... and I really am fine with it...

Granted life can, and will surprise you.... All I'm saying is...

I doubt it...

ugh,

G.Y.M.