Sunday, June 19, 2011

Gay for Mom.

Been a while.. once again.. whatever.

This one's for you, mom.

As much as the name of this blog is "Grumpy YOUNG Man".. time goes on and faces look older. Perhaps it's my lack of restraint when it comes to legal poisons. Poisons I choose to batter my ever aging body with on a daily basis.. or perhaps it's just Father-time fucking me in the ass.. regardless.. I's gettin' oldah! Irregardless (as my mother would say).. time marches on as I struggle to hit some of the more commonly hit goals that most men of my years hit. Mainly, and most poignantly to this blog, not being in a long term relationship. Not being anywhere near "getting married" or "having kids".

I've notice that "people getting married" and "people having kids" comes in waves. All of a sudden every single person you've ever met and or are friends with is either getting married or shitting a baby out. As much as this is true so is the opposite. (meaning divorce and, I guess, peeps kicking the bucket)

Right now the wave is on the marriage bullshit. It's cool... I'm actually really excited for a couple close friends and fam getting hitched in the upcoming year. Nothing against THEM doing it.. but everything against my mother thinking I should be doing the same thing.

I suppose this blog stems from a single conversation.. NAY a single sentence from my mother the other day... She said.. straight faced and honest.. "Son, you're not getting any younger".. Now this cliche line has been heard for years in terrible rom/com's but traditionally it's primarily directed at WOMEN!!!! I've always heard... (mostly from women) It's soooo much better for men when it comes to getting older... You just get better looking... blahblah... salt and pepper.. blahblah.. George Clooney..... So then WHY is my mother telling me the clock is ticking and time is RUNNIN' out.

I rely on the kindness of friends to tell me otherwise.. I just assume they lie... so that's a waste of time. I can only accept the cards that have been dealt for me.. and try to enjoy my inevitable spinster future.. (minus the cats.. I hate cats)

But my mother.. being who she is.. (love ya mom) a bit of a fiery bitch (in all the best ways) is persistent in telling me I don't have much longer... Unless I meet a mate and procreate .. my little lame life has been wasted and she's failed as a mother. I get the "You're not getting any younger" line every week or so now... It's getting a little annoying.

I've come up with a solution.. and tell me if you think this is the right choice.. Next time I speak with Mama.. I only say three words... " I am gay".. if you've read other posts of mine you know there's no truth to that statement... but I guess if you know me you might still question this considering my dating record and the company I keep... (ir)regardless I love the vaginas and always will.. but those three words might set me free from the incessant badgering from Mom... I think she might be thrilled... She lives far enough away that I can keep that lie up.... and if by some miracle I meet a woman I can stand for more then thirty minutes... all the better.. otherwise.. Mom will finally have a daughter and I won't have to deal with the weekly reminder that maybe (well... most likely) I'm going to die alone..

UGH..
G.Y.M.

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