You boring people

So.. Haven't written a blog in a while.. it's not for lack of hatred towards the general public.. That's still there in full force.. It's strictly because of boredom... I'm really fucking BORED!!!

I'm not really bored with my life.. I have a great life.. If I actually believed in anything holy.. I'd say I lead a blessed life... The boredom is primarily from my surroundings and the lame people that inhabit them. This city is really fucking boring..

"You need to get out.. do stuff.. meet people!!!" That is POINTLESS!

This city I live in (for the time being) is plagued by this weird sense of entitlement/conservativeness... It's in it's people.

I know every city has assholes.. People too busy searching for something reflective to check themselves out in at a bar then look you in the eyes while you're talking to them... but Toronto has something especially lame going on...

Not only are people "too cool".. but they have NO OPINION.. they have no ambition.. They have no balls.

I have yet to meet a real "loud mouth prick"...willing to say the wrong thing in a crowded room for a reaction.. If someone would actually take a chance at being a little "hated"... Then there'd be something entertaining about this boring fucking town..

NO.. everyone is too busy making sure they look and sound exactly like everyone else... Oh.. I know there's a hipster somewhere reading this in his extra large baggy muscle shirt, parachute pants and an 80's bike messenger hat thinking to himself.. "Thank god I'm different and interesting".. but YOU sir are part of the problem..

Well that and ... the lack of competition in this city.. No one is willing to stand on someone's neck to get ahead here... like our wonderful neighbours to the south.. I know that might sound like a slam to the Yanks.. but it's not.. I LOVE the States for this mentality... It's exciting.

People take chances/risks in the States on everything.. not only in business.. but socially.. They're sometimes loud and obnoxious but always opinionated... This creates a greater chance for them to actually be interesting.. and well.. FUCKING FUN.

Just once I'd like to go out here and meet someone who says something sooo offensive (in the name of humour) that I'm taken off guard and actually shocked... JUST ONCE..

Until then I'll just be bored.. well... until my next visit to the US.

G.Y.M.

Warning.. I'm a dick

My Seinfeld-esque issues with women have taken a terrible turn for the worse as of late.

Here's a couple example's of why I'll most likely be alone... also why I'm kind of a dick.

I have a real problem with being completely uninterested in people in about 30 seconds. Rarely do I take the time to stick around and find out who this person "Really Is"... I'm too busy analyzing why their teeth to gum ratio is like 70/30%... I know that sounds really shallow.. but someone who wants to be in a relationship with a person who A)loves to laugh and B) finds ME hilarious... can't be with someone who has gigantic gums. It's distracting. (I know I'm a dick... and far from perfect ) Trust me.. my dickness does not end at esthetics. Observe..

I was recently out for dinner with some friends at a restaurant where we knew one of the waitresses. A good friend... She gets off early and decides to sit down and chat with us while we eat.. as we're talking I slowly turn the conversation towards "Are their any cute single waitresses here that enjoy sarcastic assholes?" .. She goes "Oh yeah.. my friend Megan.. I'll get her to come over.." Me.. "great"

So my friend waves Megan over and I see her walking towards our table.. SUPER cute brunette... My friend goes on to tell me that she's involved with a douch-bag bartender and needs to get out of it.. Me "I will do my best"..

Megan saddles up to our table and introduces her self. As soon as she starts talking.. I'm out. She has one of those obnoxious "S" sibilances... She could be the coolest, sweetest, cutest woman I've ever met.. but I can't deal (again.. I'm an ass)... She turned out to be really sweet.. but I still couldn't deal. For the purposes of this blog let me write what I heard when she spoke.. "Hi guyssssss I'm Megan. What'sssss Up.. Hey Sssserge. It'ssssss Sssssoo Nicsssssse to meet you"... What.. Is she speaking parcel-tongue ( Harry Potter reference.... whatever) It's like nails on a chalk board to me.. I have a real problem hiding my disinterest when something like this happens.. Something I believe I inherited from my mother. Thanks mom..

Example two..

I meet this cute girl at the YMCA (I know) while I'm playing basketball. She actually comes up to me and asks if she can play... This NEVER HAPPENS... So we start shooting around.. having fun.... not really talking much... I think.. "Huh. This is a first..".

I start asking some questions chatting a little... She seems fairly normal.... until she starts talking about what she does. "I'm a jazz singer.." me "cool." her.. "yeah.. but I also am into holistic healing.. I have a clinic at my house.." me "um.. oh.. ok..".. Her "Yeah.. but what I love the most is my... Afro Dancing... I perform all the time.. it's so much fun." and....

Three two one.. I'M OUT!

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT SHE DOES.... but

This is where MY mind goes.. She says Jazz singer.. I think.. Huh.. I could have a whiskey while I listen to some terrible jazz... Might be kinda hot.. I'm sure I could get through that.. and who knows.. maybe she's alright..

THEN she says "Holistic healing"..I think.. hmmm.. well.. I guess I could deal... it's just something she does.. and who knows.. maybe she has access to some great pot or something..

And then she says "Afro dancing"..

And i think.. Oh FUCK NO.. instantly I picture myself sitting in some community club basement for 3 hours wanting to kill myself as I have to feign interest in her ridiculous dance routine.. THERE'S NO WAY!!!

I stop playing basketball, pretend I have an appointment and bail.. She's left in the gym shooting around... alone...

I mean.. I could have went out with her.. and found out more... Got a little drunk and bit my tongue.. but I know it would have just gotten worse... So why waste our time? Why pretend to be interested?...

I'll tell ya why.. So you're not home alone watching HBO on demand on the weekend... cause you can't deal with a person who uses the word "legitimately" too much..

UGH.
G.Y.M.

Hermit-the-Serge

I know everyone gets a little depressed during the winter months.. It's cold.. it's grey.. it's boring.. But I think I might have taken it to a new level. I'm pretty sure the Universe has decide that I should be a hermit... I make the attempts to go out.. to get away.. to make a break from the everyday monotony that is my life.. but the universe says.. "Umm.. Hey Serge!.. FUCK YOU.. get back in your room and watch more HBO on demand".

Here.
Small example.. and then big example.

Last night I decide I'll actually make the effort and get out of the house... Me and buddy are going to meet up, have some drinks and potentially try and meet some new people.. (FIRST MISTAKE).. ain't no place to meet people in this annoying city.. I've basically been to every bar in the city... I can't stand pretentious music snobs.. so.. live music/hipster bars are out.. I can't stand club music, retarded sluts who don't want to pay for a $2 coat check so they wait in their mini-skirts and high-heels in freezing temperatures, or suburban douche bags.. so clubs and large bars are out...

The only bars I can bear, are the ones that are filled alcoholic depressed loners like me.. and THAT ain't the best place to meet people.. so.. the night is, OF COURSE, a bust.. I should have just stayed in and watched the Die Hard marathon like I was planning to... but instead I play a couple rounds of foozeball and call it a night.

Then today I wake up and think... "fuck it.. i'm gonna get out of this house and run errands.. walk around.. maybe write... try and be part of society... You can meet people during the day, right?" I take two steps out my front door.. and the universe pisses on me.. literally.. It starts to piss rain.. Someone is saying.. "Serge.. get back in your house and stew, you dick head".. so I did... I am.. I continue to stew.

Example Two..
(granted example one does really sound like my own issues.. but I don't care)

I plan a trip with a really good friend of mine to go to Mexico.. She's in LA.. I'm in Toronto.. We're going to meet in Mexico and drink our faces off by the Ocean.. The trip is planned.. The resort is booked.. The flights are on time.. 8 hours until I get out of this frozen waste land known as Canada... Start enjoying sunshine again... It's a much needed getaway for both of us and we CAN'T WAIT..

So.. I decide I'm going to get a couple extra bucks for the cab in the morning... Just incase.. As I'm punching in the code to my dwindling bank account.. a thought pops in my head.. "Is your passport expired?".. No.. it can't be.. I'm always on top of shit like that.. I had my suit case packed a week in advance... I double wrap all my shampoo and other liquids to prevent "suitcase-explosion-mess". I'm an anal-retentive geek, and I NEVER forget shit like this... but did I?

I take off running home to see If my suspicions are correct.. 8 blocks I sprint in my winter coat... get home only to find my passport expired 10 days ago.. It's friday... the passport office is closed.. the emergency 24 hour fix is impossible until Monday.. My friend is flying out of LA a couple hours before I leave... so to take the chance of trying to get across the border with an expired passport and somehow make it to Mexico.. is a BAD idea.. she'd be stuck in Mexico alone (which is retrospect, if I was her... I would have said "FUCK YOU SERGE. I'M GOING".. but she's a much nicer person than I...)

So with 7.5 hours to go until we would have started our wondrous Mexican Adventure.. We had to cancel.. Once again I'm stuck in Toronto.. frozen.. bored.. and annoyed..

So... if the Universe wants me to be a hermit.. then I guess I should just listen...

Ugh.

G.Y.M.