Quarter life and Clooney

So... I don't want to say I've "lived it.. I know it.. I've figured it all out"... because that's ridiculous... I've never had a three way.. so obviously there's more to learn, right?

What I wanna talk about is where I'm at now.. What life is for me these days... and what I think it might be for me in the future.. I've been the hopeless romantic... Falling for a pretty young thing... I've been "blinded by the light.. revved up like a douche another boner in the night" or whatever... but I think my tune has changed over the years. I'm not saying I won't ever find love again.. or I'll be alone forever... That's just absurd... but I am saying.. it's basically where I'm going to end up. By myself.. maybe like Clooney, with a pig, living off the coast of Italy... (please god)...but alone none the less...

Listen.. I'm sure I'll have plenty of friends in my life.. I'm sure I'll have a few more love affairs.. but I doubt any will last longer then a year or two... I'm not trying to sound completely hopeless or depressed.. I'm just being realistic... and I'm feeling alright about it.

I like to watch people.. Watch relationships.. How are people surviving their bullshit lives while spending them with another person? denial.. alcohol... fighting.. and stress..

Now that's fine... Stay with your partner... work it out.. make it last.. good years.. bad years.. and all that shit.. but all I can say is.. it's not for me... I don't want to compromise anything in my life.. and this doesn't fly with people..

Specifically the women in my life.. They've wanted me to conform in the past... maybe not at first... Maybe at first they love "who I am" or "how I am"... Crazy, weird, and sarcastic.. but eventually that changes.. This is why I say I'm sure I'll have a few more love affairs.. I'll get into something that seems like a great fit... We'll laugh.. talk... grow.. it'll be terribly romantic... I'll seem happy.. She'll seem happy.. and then.......

She'll get annoyed... She'll stop thinking I'm funny.. She'll get embarrassed at some social event... Her friend's will hate me.. and she'll start to resent my life style..

in turn....

I'll get annoyed.. I'll get BORED... I'll realize I've never thought she was funny... and I'll always hate her lame ass friends... Especially her closest ones... Badda bing badda boom it's over..

It's just the way it goes for me, I'm afraid..

"She" is not out there.. because "She" doesn't exist... It'll seem at first that "She's" come back into my life.. but after a few good months... "She" will just end up being "Her" again.. and then "I'm" out...

Now listen.. I'm saying all of this with a clear head... Haven't started on the brown liquor yet... It's just the way I think my life works... and I really am fine with it...

Granted life can, and will surprise you.... All I'm saying is...

I doubt it...

ugh,

G.Y.M.