Sex-Ed from a Douche

Is it just me? When did guys figure out how to talk to women? Girls? Broads? Sluts? ... ladies?
Did I miss that day in junior high? The day the Sex Ed teacher takes the girls into the other room and some douche bag comes in from off the street. He smells of Drakkar Noir and Jager bombs. Struts in with his tight fitted dress shirt and over priced jeans, ready to tell us what's what.

I assume this Douche proceeded to teach the class room how to "pick women up". Teaching them how to say the most ridiculous things to get the attention from a pretty girl. He instilled the retarded-confidence that allowed these young men to NEVER feel uncomfortable, anxious, or awkward when asking women if they're into "working out" or "good music".

For me it seems like every other idiot in the world was there for that class. I go through life with an overwhelming social anxiety that can only be cured with substance abuse. I know I should try yoga, or pilates but... fuck you. I don't want to. I'd rather continue to make sarcastic remarks, or inapropriate jokes and drink. That being said.. I don't know how these other dudes do it.

All I ever hear from girls is how they get hit on constantly. Out on the street, on the subway, at the grocery store. Who are these guys and how are they doing this? I'm not saying I want to be like them.. or want to "do what the do".. but I'd just like to know how they learnt this skill. How they figured out that whistling or sucking air through their teeth could get the attention of a pretty young thing. I'm assuming from that point they strike up a conversation, head out for an afternoon coffee and make plans for the up coming weekend. I don't really know.

This time honored tradition of douche-baggery will never end.. and I'm fine with that. It's just something I'd like to understand a little better. Why didn't I learn this skill? Where was I that day in Junior high? Do I have the ability but just don't know access it? Could I strike up a conversation with some moronic girl at the bar? Pretend to care about ANYTHING they have to say... Actually keep this terrible conversation going long enough without wanting to kill myself from boredom in the hopes of "gettin' some"? Or will I never learn?

I am a slow learner.

UGH,

G.Y.M.